She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
