BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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