What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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