So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
