i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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