Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
