does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize