I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
