so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
