Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
