I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
