at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think my vagina is haunted
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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