i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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