can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
