just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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