So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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