It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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