haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize