it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
