we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
