Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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