Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
