It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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