I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize