Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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