If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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