i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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