I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize