Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
