Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize