Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
