She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
