The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just forgot I was standing up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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