and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
