I want to have your abortion
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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