Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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