so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
