Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize