I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
