Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sorry my hands just texted you
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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