apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
