I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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