whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
