you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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