Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
