you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
