Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
