Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
