So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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