Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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