The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
