I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
