oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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