Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
