Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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