i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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