I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
