nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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