Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
