Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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