Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
