Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Non-Jews are for practice
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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