I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
