brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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