bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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