I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
