I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
