Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
