I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
