We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
FUCK WHALES
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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