I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
