bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
