Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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