alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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